I never gave much thought
by remusandsnapelover
Summary: "I never gave much thought to how I would die." Bella finds that being with Edward for the rest of her life isn't what she wants after all. Who she truly wants is Carlisle- but she can't have him.


**A/N I know, I know... I'm doing a story and I haven't been updating my other ones. Bad Rachael. :) But this one is just a one-shot, so I suppose I can forgive myself. I really wanted to write, and so I did. I got the inspiration for the story from myself and from the Bella key-chain with all the charms hanging on my blinds to my window. And it's SAD. Oh well... maybe there is a happy ending. Oh, and I know the Columbia River does not have waves that goes 'splash splash' on the shore- but I'm letting myself say that it does in this story because I live in the state that has the Columbia River, and so in a way it's mine. ;) Enjoy!**

"I never gave much thought to how I would die."

Carlisle Cullen was a god. A god that I couldn't have. His silky blond hair, his muscles, his mind, all belonged to someone else. They weren't for me to have. What if I wanted him though? What if I wanted to run my fingers through those gold locks of his, to kiss all the muscles on his body, or to pick at his brilliant mind? Well then I would certainly be damned.

Whatever brought me to Carlisle Cullen was a devil in it's own sense. Now that I know him, I can no longer love Edward. I can no longer act normal around him. I can no longer live a normal life- as if my life was normal before.

Carlisle Cullen brought me to this point. Don't get me wrong- he didn't do it on purpose. Carlisle would never wish any harm to be brought upon me. I was like... a _daughter_ to him. But it was him that caused me to jump off the cliff that day and into the deep black waters of the Columbia River. It was where my wedding was, and where we were _supposed _to be having a good time. Yeah... right... a good time.

* * *

My wedding to Edward was everything I should have hoped for. I had the perfect guy, a steady future, and... I gulped... a good family. But Edward wasn't the man I wanted to marry really. I loved him, more than anything, but our love had turned out to be more of the best friendship two people could ever share. Unfortunately, it was too late now to go back- too late to try and win over the heart of the man I knew I loved for certain. _Carlisle_.

Carlisle was resting against one of the pure white pillars holding up our shelter from the rain that was falling down. His eyes were sweeping around the room, taking in all the guests, when they finally lay to rest on my own. He smiled as I blushed from my lingering stare. He pushed himself away from the pillar and came striding over to me, keeping his eyes locked on mine while I just stood there. "You don't look like you're having much fun, Isabella." I looked down to hide the blush that was creeping up on me as he said my whole name. It flowed off his tongue in a magnificent way that made me shiver. "Are you cold?" I looked up at him, and into his concerned eyes.

"What? Oh! No... I just... um..." I stammered and he chuckled softly, taking my hand in his and spinning me around slowly. I bit my lip and he raised an eyebrow. "Is something wrong?"

"No, it's just... I don't dance." I looked up into his golden eyes, hoping that he would get the hint that if he tried to spin me again, I might just rip my dress in the process.

"Hm." He tried to hide a smile as he grabbed my other hand. "What will I do about that?" He took one of my arms and placed it on his shoulder, and then gently put it on my waist. He leaned in towards my ear, his breath warm, "May I have this dance, Mrs. Cullen?"

I shivered again at the name- it was like I was married to him. _"You can have whatever you want from me."_ I thought to myself. "Of course." I opted for the less bold answer, and followed his lead as he spun me around a few times and came back to rest his hand on my waist again.

"You know, Bella, if this is not what you want, you don't need to go through with it." I looked straight up into his eyes; did he mean us dancing?

"Of course I want it!" I nearly shouted before blushing.

Carlisle smiled, "Good. Edward was beginning to wonder if you were interested in someone else."

"Someone else? What?" I was confused now, and Carlisle showed the same confusion.

"Edward was wondering if you liked another guy. He wasn't sure if you really wanted to marry him or not." Oh. So that's what he was talking about. Good job Bella, now you can't go back on telling Carlisle that you don't want to be married to Edward.

"Carlisle... I need to talk to you." I stared at the ground, not wanting to see his concerned face. But I could hear it in his voice.

"What's wrong, Bella? If it's about you being changed, then it's not me that you want to talk to." If only you knew how much I wanted to be you to change me. "No, it's not that. Carlisle, I-" Esme's soft voice interrupted my confession and I nearly choked from holding my breath for so long in nervousness.

"Carlisle, dear, we should get home soon. Edward and Bella are going to be leaving for their honeymoon in less than an hour." In less than an hour? I had to leave already? But this isn't what I want- I don't want to have to leave Carlisle. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes, and I tried to brush them away quickly before anyone saw, but Carlisle caught me out of the corner of his eye and begin to hesitate.

"Darling, you go on without me. I need to talk about last minute honeymoon plans Bella." He lied smoothly.

"Alright then. Goodnight, Bella, dear." She smiled at me, and I forced a quick smile in return, even when I knew she was married to the man I love.

Carlisle quickly pulled me to a shaded area away from the dance floor. He looked down at me with concerned eyes, "Bella, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" I bit my lip to try and force the tears back, but there was no stopping them from falling down. I lay my head on his shoulder and sobbed. Carlisle put his hand on the back of my head, stroking it, and running his hands though my hair. "Bella," he whispered, "It's OK, sweetheart."

But it wasn't OK. I was going off with a man that I no longer loved enough to spend my whole live with- not even considering that I would most likely be living a vampire life of forever. And to top it off, I would have to watch the man I loved more than anything be with another woman.

"Bella," Carlisle cooed in my ear, "Please don't cry."

But it was too much for me. I pushed away from Carlisle, walking away towards the area that was fenced off to prevent anyone from falling off the cliff that hung over the river. "Bella?" Carlisle's voice jumped an octave in a beat, but I was already at the edge.

I whispered, knowing that he could hear me from here. For all I knew, all of the vampires in this area would be able to hear me. "Carlisle..." My voice was hoarse from all of the crying. I could see the fear in his eyes as I put one of my legs over the side of the fence. "Carlisle, I love you."

And with that I swung myself over the side of the cliff and went down, down, down.

I saw Carlisle run at a vampire speed to try and save me, which surprised me because of all the human guest that were at my wedding. Maybe no one would see him... maybe no one would see me... maybe no one would see me as I fell down, down, down...

"Isabella." All I could hear were the distant waves crashing onto the shore, and the sound of a man with a voice that sounded like he had had a knife stabbed into him.

"Isabella, I love you."

And then I heard myself scream.


End file.
